One Friend by Dan Seals

I always thought you were the best

I guess I always will.

I always felt that we were blessed, 

And I feel that way, still.

Sometimes we took the hard road, 

But we always saw it through.

If I had only one friend left, 

I'd want it to be you.

Sometimes the world was on our side; 

Sometimes it wasn't fair.

Sometimes it gave a helping hand; 

Sometimes we didn't care.

'Cause when we were together, 

It made the dream come true.

If I had only one friend left, 

I'd want it to be you.

Someone who understands me, 

And knows me inside out.

And helps keep me together, 

And believes without a doubt, 

That I could move a mountain:

Someone to tell it to.

If I had only one friend left, 

I'd want it to be you.

'Cause when we were together, 

It made the dream come true.

If I had only one friend left, 

I'd want it to be you.

Someone who understands me, 

And knows me inside out.

And helps keep me together, 

And believes without a doubt, 

That I could move a mountain:

Someone to tell it to.

If I had only one friend left, 

I'd want it to be you.

Letting Go and Moving ON

I just wanted a simple life, a normal life.  I've come to understand that not everything stays the same.  A lot of change needs to be made, but drastic changes are a pain.   I will be able to accept this changes once I've accepted that I need to let go and move on.  Have you ever experienced that in just one snap of a finger your life will change instantly and it's up to you whether you accept the change and deal with it, or you hold on to the past and forever wondering if you'll be happy or not?  I know that we have to take risks but since the pain is still there we are afraid to move on.  We don't want to add additional burden to the pain that we are already carrying.  

Honestly, I'm still hoping that everything will go back the same as it was before.  It's like I wanted to wake up after a very long nightmare and when I open my eyes, the first thing that I'll see is her face telling me that everything is okay and she would never leave me.  But this is reality and I have to embrace that fact that she's gone.  

Someday by Nyoy Volante

Someday you'll gonna realize

One day you'll see this through my eyes

But then i won't even be there

I'll be happy somewhere

Even if i can't

I know you don't really see my worth

You think you're the last girl on earth

Well I've got news for you

I know I'm not that strong

But it won't take long

Won't take long

Coz someday, someone's gonna love me

The way, i wanted you to need me

Someday, someone's gonna take your place

One day I'll forget about you

You'll see, i won't even miss you

Someday, someday

Right now

I know you can't tell

I'm down, and I'm not doing well

But one day these tears

They will all run dry

I won't have to cry

Sweet goodbye

Coz someday, someone's gonna love me

The way, i wanted you to need me

Someday, someone's gonna take your place

One day I'll forget about you

You'll see, i won't even miss you

Someday,

I know someone's gonna be there, yeah

Someday, someone's gonna love me

The way, i wanted you to need me

Someday, someone's gonna take your place

One day I'll forget about you

You'll see, i won't even miss you

someday....

Introduction To Loneliness....P6

Someday....

Now, I’m staying with my parents and they have embraced me whole-heartedly with no questions asked.  I would have to say that I’m lucky to have wonderful parents.  I know that in their hearts they wanted to ask me what happened and understand my situation but they just kept their distance and always kept a close eye on things. 

A week passed and we have been in constant communication.  Sometimes I stay with her overnight or even a few nights.  This would always irritate her.  I don’t understand.  She’s always saying that I’m always breathing down her neck.  I’m too possessive.  I think I have the right to do that since we are still in a relationship.  She would never tell me who she was texting or who she’s with and if I ask it would be a great deal to her and this is the reason why she wanted us to separate in the first place. 

Then one day she asked me to come over because she wanted to tell me something about our relationship.  I was scared of what she will say so I hesitated.  She says that if I don’t come over she would never talk to me ever again.  So I went.

When I arrived, I stayed in the car for a few minutes.  I was breathing heavily, my palms are sweaty and my heart is beating fast.  Is this the end of my 10 year relationship?  Is this how it’s going down?  Can I still talk her out of it?  Can we still work it out?  This are that questions that I can’t answer and it really hurts me not to know.  Everything is up to her.  I feel that I’m at the losers end.  Should I let go and release ourselves of this suffering?  I don’t want this to end, that is what my heart has been telling me ever since.  Fight for it, I love her so much that I’d rather suffer so much than to realize that we are no longer together.  I was crying with no tears for my heart has been hurt so much that my mind is telling my body not to shed a tear.  You’ll have to be strong. 

I got of the car and she met me at the doorstep.  My heart continues to pound my chest with grief and disappointment.  She wanted our relationship to end.  She doesn’t want us to be considered as together anymore.  She wanted to be free of worries about someone asking her where she is or who’s she talking to or texting.  Not explaining to anyone why she never called or what she’s doing.  I’m dumb-founded and I feel the whole world fell upon me.  She told me that for us to work things out and totally experience freedom from a relationship.  She just wanted us to be casual with each other.  Just like very close friends.  

This I knew that the story of us has ended.  I just need to know how to live my life on my own.   My last message to her reads:



Hello, 

Musta na?  I just want to say sorry for doing this but I really have to.  Nahihirapan na kasi ako at sa tingin ko dapat ko na ring tanggapin na hindi ka na babalik sa akin.  Sa tingin ko nagawa ko na lahat para bumalik ang pagmamahal mo sa akin, or kahit yung pagpapahalaga man lang.  Pero mukhang hindi na.  I just need to accept the fact that I have to continue life without you.  I hope you're happy right now with whom ever you're with.  Hindi ako galit pero malungkot ako. 

Wala akong girlfriend kung yan ang iniisip mo.  I'm still hurting and every night is just to hard for me to overcome.  Kaya madalas late ako umuwi dahil ayoko nang dumaan yung gabi na maiisip kong wala ka sa tabi ko.  

Kahit makalimutan kita dahil ulyanin na ako (sana dumating na yun) alam kong sa isang sulok ng isip ko may isang XXXXXXXXX XXX na nagpasaya at nagbigay kulay sa buhay ko.  

I hope all the best for you.  I still love you and will never stop loving you.  


Your former Bebe

How Do You Heal A Broken Heart by Chris Walker

I can't believe what i just heard

Could it be true

Are you the girl I thought I knew

The one who promised me her love

Where did it go

Does anybody ever know

[Chorus:]

How do you heal a broken heart

That feels like it will never beat this much again

Oh no

I just can't let go

How do you heal a broken heart

That feels like it will never love this much again

Oh no

Tonight I'll hold what could be right

Tomorrow I'll pretend to let you go

And were you ever what you seemed

Or was I a fool who fell in love

With his own dream

And now you say you want to leave

Start a new life today

Those words I thought you'd never say

[Chorus:]

Tonight I'll hold what could be right

Tomorrow I'll pretend to

Wake and put it all behind me

And find that I have finally found

A new life

In my soul

And find that I know how to let you go

You go

[Chorus:]

Tonight I'll hold what could be right

Tomorrow i'll pretend to

Wake and put it all behind me

And find that I know how to let you go

Introduction To Loneliness....P5

Leaving is the hardest thing

I packed all my things and stuffed everything in the car.  We have come to a settlement that we will be living separately like normal boyfriend and girlfriend does.  I can visit her once in a while or even stay with her at home.  I am against this setup but I don’t have any other choice.  I love her so much that sacrificing everything we have established will be gone forever is a mere factor than saving our relationship.

She really wants me to go, to let me go.  She wants to be free from all worries, from all stress.  Somehow I’m became too possessive of her that she can’t even do things that would make her happy.  I know that somehow I’m holding her back.  She told me that our relationship has become stagnant for so long that we have become comfortable with each other and we don’t strive for more.  I honestly would say that this is true.  I have become so comfortable with what I have that even the smallest things of making her happy will be just something that we have talked about.  I never did the things she wanted me to achieve or do for the both of us. 

I was driving back home and everything is just a complete blur.  I don’t know what will happen next but in my mind I know that I’m paying a lot for something that I’m partly to blame.  I want to insist that we can work out whatever our differences are but the only reason that she would give me is that she wanted me to go and we need to work on our selves separately.  She told me that she wanted to continue studying or maybe apply for a better job.  She wanted to learn how to live by herself not always being dependent on me.  She has always been dependent with me on almost all the things that we do.  I have no problems with that but sometimes we argue about little things that she can or she can’t do.  

Everything was coming back to me.  From the day I met her, up to the time that we had our last argument.  From little things that we dislike from each other to the past issues that we had.  I was trying to explain to myself why would it come to this?  Why am I suffering so much?  What did I do wrong to deserve this?  It’s hard to know that it’s over.  The set up that she wanted us to take is just a preparation for the worst.  The thought that we’ll never be together again.  I’m afraid of what this will lead to.  I’m not prepared for something like this.  

To Love Again by Dingdong Avanzado

Radio's fine
It helps me forget for awhile
I look back and recall
Those days I had with you
Sometimes I need a friend just to make it through
Anther day spent without you

You, you gave me all the reasons to live
But then you had to go
And I just got to let you know
It's hard to love again just to make it through
Another day spent without you

And I don't wanna go on pretending
That it's gonna be a happy ending
If I should love again 
Once I've learned to love again
And oh, it will never be the same without you baby
This pain inside me's driving me crazy
'Coz it's hard to love again

Friends are great, they cheer me up for sometime
But when the day is done
My mind is back again with you
Oh God I need a friend just to make it through
Another day spent without you

And I don't wanna go on pretending
That it's gonna be a happy ending
If I should love again 
Once I've learned to love again...ooh
And oh, it will never be the same without you baby
This pain inside me's driving me crazy
'Coz it's hard to love again

'Coz it's hard to love again

Introduction To Loneliness....P4

How We Got Started

We started our relationship when she was only 19 years old.  I was 28 then, it’s a 9 year gap between us.  I can say that since then she never really had any social life except for those people around us.  Now, she has friends that she is constantly in contact with and she really enjoys their company.  I admit that every time I see her after she goes out with them she’s always happy.  She enjoys chatting with them, even if it took the whole day that they're together once she got home she would still send messages to them and if they're not satisfied they would even call each other.  But most of the time, her friends that she has not contacted for a while are the one's she had been calling every night.  Just doing catch up with each other.  Honestly, I was okay with that.  I don’t see any harm when she’s chatting with her friends.  The problem is that after their long chat over the phone, she would have to do household chores or she would go directly to sleep.  She never had time to spend quality time with me anymore.  I was a bit jealous because she would rather talk to them than spend time with me.  If I ask who was she texting or talking on the phone she would just ignore me or get upset for asking questions.  This is another factor that actually is one of the worst things that we never have worked out. 

Another thing, we are completely opposites.  When it comes to doing things together sometimes we have a hard time deciding what we want to do.  Let’s start at the beginning of the day during our rest day.  First thing that I do after my morning rituals is to grab something to eat.  Not that I want a full meal but just something that will satisfy my pallets.  She on the other hand, wants to wake up late.  Once she has awoken she would attend to household chores then would reflect for a half hour to a couple of hours.  She would actually wait until her body feels hunger.  I'm not saying that it's bad but sometimes we have to compromise like she can join me having breakfast and having small talks to start the day right.  She is very clean in every way, Obsessive Compulsive as we say it but sometimes its way over board.  Starting with unnoticeable stench coming from somewhere around the house would really irritate her, up to some thrash laying around would make her very displeased and she always blames me for it.  I have come to live by this behavior and loved her more for being so because it’s keeping my life pleasant. 

After our morning dilemma, we will need to decide what we will be doing for the rest of the day.  For me, I usually would rather stay home and enjoy a relaxing time with her and just do nothing whilst her, she would rather go out and spend time somewhere to relax.  I admit, we usually end up doing what I want because we have to be practical.  Luxury is very costly.  But of course, it comes with consequences because if we stay home we would end up ignoring each other or even blaming each other for little things.  Everything will be noticed and it starts a small argument.  Usually she would ask me "Why aren't we able to do the things we love or she wants?  It would start a long day of cold treatment towards each other.  

Sometimes we're able to go out and do what we both like but most of the time we don’t.  If ever we go out, we always have a hard time deciding where to go.  If we decide to go to the mall, which mall should we go to.  If we are going to eat, where and what kind of food would we eat.  She likes Italian foods like pizza or pasta while I, most of the time loves Filipino because I like to eat rice.  Then we will end up going to somewhere we both don’t like and eat that’s not satisfying. 

She has this tendency that if we go out we have to do other things as well, like paying the bill, buying groceries or attending to important things like looking for a phone plan for the both of us or looking for new gadgets or things that we need.  I’m not saying that it’s wrong in fact it’s practical for us because we’re hitting two birds with one stone.  But sometimes all I ever wanted was to spend time with her in a nice quiet place and just not thinking of any hassles that we need to do.  Like enjoying a cup of coffee or something, feeling that were alone and not bothered with all the worries in the world.  If we get to do that it would be for just a short moment because she’s really conscious of what we’re doing or she is on her phone texting her friends.  This is just based on my point of view.  I’m not saying that she doesn’t like it but somehow she doesn’t want to do those things.  Most of the time she's texting someone even if we're together when we go out.  Up until now I’m still confused why she doesn’t want to do those things or is always pre-occupied with other things when she’s with me.  But I’m still trying to understand her even though we’ve been together for 10 years now.  There are still a lot of things that I need to understand about her and even if I already understood it there’s still other thing that will come up and will complicate everything again.  Women are very unpredictable but that’s why we love them. 

Once we got home in the evening, we end up doing things separately, she will either continue to communicate with her friends or do chores around the house instead of sitting down with me and enjoy the night together.  I know I have my share of faults, in fact most of the time I would be in front of the computer either on the internet watching youtube or playing games.  This has always bugged her because she always says “Is that all that you’ll be doing?” and “Why won’t you do something worthwhile?”  My fault is that I usually brush her off, but if I leave whatever I’m doing and try to ask her that we spend time with each other she would always say that she still has a lot of things to do. 

From this, we sacrificed our evening having to sleep with heavy hearts and let the day pass with disappointment towards each other hoping that it will just go away the next day.  But definitely I was wrong to let this things happen.  Honestly, I always try to communicate with her about all this things but instead of having a compromise, we end up having an argument and start blaming each other for each other's faults.  Maybe I was to blame for all this because I let it happen.  I love her so much that I would rather let her be than her getting hurt in the process.  Now I’ve come to realize that it has always been a lose-lose situation even before the whole thing got started.  She has a very strong personality which I’m very proud of because she can stand up for herself.   I know I thaught her that but I never realized that it would backfire at me. 

These were just some of the things she pointed out why she wants be alone and live separately from me.  The main reason according to her was she’s getting tired of dealing with the same issues over and over again and wasn’t able to work things out.  We both have our share of wrong doings but we never really compromised or dealt with it together.  It’s either she will do something on her end about it and I will do the same but we never really asked each other if we’re okay with that.  We just assumed that we can just live by it as long as we do what we think is right, but that’s not how it works.  It always takes two to tango.  

Don't Give Up On Us by David Soul

Don't give up on us baby, 

don't make the wrong seem right.

The future isn't just for the night, 

it's written in the moonlight.

And painted on the stars, 

we can't change us.....

Don't give up on us baby, 

we're still worth one more try.

I know we put the last one by, 

just for the rainy evening.

When maybe stars are few, 

don't give up on us I know,

We can still come through.

I nearly lost my head last night, 

you've got a right to stop believing.

There's still a little love left, 

even so....

Don't give up on us baby, 

lord knows we've come this far,

Can't we stay the way we are, 

the angel and the dreamer,

Who sometimes plays a fool, 

don't give up on us I know,

We can still come through.

It's written in the moonlight, And painted on the stars, 

we can't change us.

Don't give up on us baby, 

we're still worth one more try,

I know we put the last one by, 

just for the rainy evening,

When maybe stars are few, 

Don't give up on us baby I know,

We can still come through.

Don't give up on us baby, 

don't give up on us baby.

Introduction To Loneliness....P3

The Agreement

We talked about it and how it started and what would be the best thing to do to somehow save the relationship.  She told me that she was having a hard time thinking that she was being unfair.  Every time we're together she always feels upset and disappointed towards me.  She said that I should deserve better, she feels that she wasn't providing the right treatment that I deserve.  Every time I ask her where she had been or why she was late she gets upset and would always say why am I breathing down her neck.  As far as I know I have the right to ask and know everything on what she has been up to.  When it comes to texting, she would always get upset or she would just be silent about it  She never acknowledged or denied anything on what or whom she had been texting with.  Honestly, it's really not a big deal for me because she still has her private or personal life but she never gave any assurance that there's nothing to worry about but instead I felt she’s hiding something from me.  Again, I may be paranoid but I have the right to know or feel any kind of assurance from her that there is really nothing to worry about.  

Another thing she pointed out was that somehow I was always being a jerk when we’re with friends.  I'm always embarrassing her in front of our friends especially when I drunk.  Honestly, I never thought of it that way, because everything was just a joke or we were just having a good time.  But she told me that even our friends find it very offensive.  Most of the time I would make a scene that's inappropriate and always not thinking of the outcome.  I was shocked, I was never aware of this and I could have been informed about it.  She told me about it few times but my explanation was not to take it seriously because I was just having a good time and there was no intention of hurting anybody.  But I was wrong, it made her uncomfortable and even our friends they find it annoying.  That was my fault, I was really stupid to try to be cool at the expense of my girlfriend.  I admit, sometimes I'm not aware of the things that I have been doing and if they try to control me, I'd just brush them off.

She also pointed out that somehow I was holding her back from things she wanted to do in her life like study or go out with friends without the worries of someone waiting for her at home.  She wants to somehow feel free to do all the things that she wasn’t able to do before.  

Set You Free by Side A

We often fool ourselves
And say that it's love
Only cause when it's gone
We end up being lonely
So how are we to know 
That it just isn't so
That we just have to let each other go

There were many times
When we shared precious moments
But later realized they were only stolen moments
So how are we to know 
That it just wasn't so
That we just had to let each other go

If loving you is all that means to me
When being happy is all I hope you'd be
Then loving you must mean
I really have to set you free

Each day remains my love for you
Keeps growing stronger 
But every time we meet
Makes leaving you so much harder
So how are we to know 
That this just wasn't so
That we just have to let each other go

If loving you is all that means to me
When being happy is all I hope you'd be
Then loving you must mean
I really have to set you free

Letting go is not an easy task
When smiling feels like
I must wear this lonely mask
It hurts deep inside 
And I just cannot hide
That there's anguish at the thought
That we should have to part
If loving you is all that means to me
When being happy is all I hope you'd be
Then loving you must mean
I really have to set you free

If loving you is all that means to me
When being happy is all I hope you'd be
Then loving you must mean
I really have to set you free 

Introduction To Loneliness....P2

The Setup

We live in a small apartment, somewhat like a studio-type condominium that has a small bedroom.  We have been staying there for almost 5years.  You could say that we are live-in partners.  I consider her as my wife ever since that we started living together.  Marriage is the only thing that needs to be settled.  Oh, kids as well, we never had any kids.  We consider our friends children as our own and they’re all very close to the both of us.   We were like their second parents. 

Once we got home from vacation she confronted me of what has been bothering her for so long.  She told me that she’s not happy anymore and we need to somehow separate for the meantime.  The set-up will be that she stays and I go.  I can stay with my parents until we work out our issues.  Of course I demanded an explanation knowing that I was supposed to be the one who’s upset.  It led to nagging and pointing fingers.  Blaming one another for not working it out or talking about it before it blew out of proportion.  The only thing that still leaves a question is she never really denied or acknowledged why she would keep that gift from me.  The only explanation she gave was there was nothing to worry about and it’s just a mere gift.  And of course, she insisted that he’s gay.  

That night I left and tried to release some tension so we can talk more civilly and work it out later.  When I returned after an hour and a half she was not home.  I saw band-aids on the table which made me a bit paranoid.  What’s this, did she do something to herself.  I was blaming myself if something wrong would have happened to her.  I tried to contact her but her number was not available.  I texted her trying to find out if she was okay but she never replied which makes me more paranoid.  I started contacting her friends explaining what had happened.  Asked them for help at the same time trying to get more information on whatever is she hiding from me.  I know that it's a bit over the top on how I reacted but you can’t blame me because I was worried sick on what could have happened to her.  I won’t forgive myself if something bad had happened to her. 

She came home around midnight and was really upset, because most of her friends are now aware and have started somewhat a really awkward situation that really made her uncomfortable.  I know I was to blame for that but I don’t know what to do then.  I was really confused.  That really made her furious, and she doesn't want to talk to me anymore (just for that night).  She wanted to talk about it in the morning.  Knowing my personality, I don't want to sleep without talking about the problem.  She really doesn't want to talk and she has already decided that we separate.  It was a long sleepless night.  Imagine that we also have work the next day.  I think I only had 30 mins or an hour of sleep that night.  She slept in the bedroom and I stayed in the couch.  I can’t sleep, I was begging her that we talk about it but she was hard-headed and firm that we don't.  It's no use talking because we are both stressed.  She asked me that we sleep together on the same bed just somehow get some rest.  I was able to sleep but I'm still restless then.  I still woke up and was preparing for work but she asked me to take a leave of absence for the day so we can talk, and I did.  That was the start of a new phase in life for the both of us.

Introduction To Loneliness....P1

The Beginning

I’m in constant pain everyday for more than two months now.  I don’t know if this was due to someone’s decision towards our relationship or is it just that I’m being paranoid.  I hate the feeling, but i cant do anything about it.  Everyday it feels that no one is on my side.  No one cares.  I feel so alone.  

It started when my girlfriend for more than 10 years and I were asked by our friends to join them for an out-of-town vacation and relax.  I was enjoying it to some extent but I know for a fact that my girlfriend is always preoccupied with something else.  I feel that I have nothing to worry about at that time because she has friends and they were just keeping in touch always.  Sometimes, she would rather text them than do something with me while on vacation.  I never did mind any of that because I know we still have our own lives to manage.  

I know you’re asking why still girlfriend/boyfriend for 10 years when we could have been married.  There are a lot of factors to consider and financial issue is one of the biggest factor.  I wanted to give her the best wedding but it’s just not practical at the time.  We thought of having a civil wedding but I hesitated because I want it special for her.  I've never realized that it would haunt me unto this day.  I should have thought that a great woman as her should have been given the assurance that she deserves to prove that I’m serious with our relationship.  Well, there goes the saying that you're gonna regret it at the end when it's gone.  Now, I’m trying to do something about it and hopefully she will acknowledge.

Anyways, on the last day of our stay, we were looking into some of our "pasalubong" (souvenirs for our friends) that we have bought and I asked her if I can see them before we leave.  She showed me her's except for one which she obviously tried hiding from me for the reason that’s still is not clear to me.  She insists that it’s for her gay friend (but I'm sure it's not confirmed).  It bore the initial “B” which in many forms could be an abbreviation for any terms of endearment.  It really shocked me to find out why she would try to hide this gift from me if there was nothing to hide about it.  She told me why she tried hiding it is to prevent discussion or start a misinterpretation or even a misunderstanding.  I was hurt but I never confronted her about it nor started a fight at that time.  I only showed her that I’m really upset and we need to talk about it.  I know she was trying to show that I have nothing to worry about but the way she explains it didn't really make any sense at that time.  Maybe it's because I was upset and no explanation was processing clearly in my mind but I never really started a fight with her.  I just showed her that I was disappointed which she can’t accept and she started to turn the tables around.  We never showed our friends that there's something wrong because we don't want to them to be affected and have their vacation ruined.  I still treated her the same way as I have on the way back to home.  I carried her bag, assisted her getting on the boat or in a car.  I never thought that this will be an introduction to a new phase in our lives.  We were splitting up.