Introduction To Loneliness....P6

Someday....

Now, I’m staying with my parents and they have embraced me whole-heartedly with no questions asked.  I would have to say that I’m lucky to have wonderful parents.  I know that in their hearts they wanted to ask me what happened and understand my situation but they just kept their distance and always kept a close eye on things. 

A week passed and we have been in constant communication.  Sometimes I stay with her overnight or even a few nights.  This would always irritate her.  I don’t understand.  She’s always saying that I’m always breathing down her neck.  I’m too possessive.  I think I have the right to do that since we are still in a relationship.  She would never tell me who she was texting or who she’s with and if I ask it would be a great deal to her and this is the reason why she wanted us to separate in the first place. 

Then one day she asked me to come over because she wanted to tell me something about our relationship.  I was scared of what she will say so I hesitated.  She says that if I don’t come over she would never talk to me ever again.  So I went.

When I arrived, I stayed in the car for a few minutes.  I was breathing heavily, my palms are sweaty and my heart is beating fast.  Is this the end of my 10 year relationship?  Is this how it’s going down?  Can I still talk her out of it?  Can we still work it out?  This are that questions that I can’t answer and it really hurts me not to know.  Everything is up to her.  I feel that I’m at the losers end.  Should I let go and release ourselves of this suffering?  I don’t want this to end, that is what my heart has been telling me ever since.  Fight for it, I love her so much that I’d rather suffer so much than to realize that we are no longer together.  I was crying with no tears for my heart has been hurt so much that my mind is telling my body not to shed a tear.  You’ll have to be strong. 

I got of the car and she met me at the doorstep.  My heart continues to pound my chest with grief and disappointment.  She wanted our relationship to end.  She doesn’t want us to be considered as together anymore.  She wanted to be free of worries about someone asking her where she is or who’s she talking to or texting.  Not explaining to anyone why she never called or what she’s doing.  I’m dumb-founded and I feel the whole world fell upon me.  She told me that for us to work things out and totally experience freedom from a relationship.  She just wanted us to be casual with each other.  Just like very close friends.  

This I knew that the story of us has ended.  I just need to know how to live my life on my own.   My last message to her reads:



Hello, 

Musta na?  I just want to say sorry for doing this but I really have to.  Nahihirapan na kasi ako at sa tingin ko dapat ko na ring tanggapin na hindi ka na babalik sa akin.  Sa tingin ko nagawa ko na lahat para bumalik ang pagmamahal mo sa akin, or kahit yung pagpapahalaga man lang.  Pero mukhang hindi na.  I just need to accept the fact that I have to continue life without you.  I hope you're happy right now with whom ever you're with.  Hindi ako galit pero malungkot ako. 

Wala akong girlfriend kung yan ang iniisip mo.  I'm still hurting and every night is just to hard for me to overcome.  Kaya madalas late ako umuwi dahil ayoko nang dumaan yung gabi na maiisip kong wala ka sa tabi ko.  

Kahit makalimutan kita dahil ulyanin na ako (sana dumating na yun) alam kong sa isang sulok ng isip ko may isang XXXXXXXXX XXX na nagpasaya at nagbigay kulay sa buhay ko.  

I hope all the best for you.  I still love you and will never stop loving you.  


Your former Bebe