Introduction To Loneliness....P3

The Agreement

We talked about it and how it started and what would be the best thing to do to somehow save the relationship.  She told me that she was having a hard time thinking that she was being unfair.  Every time we're together she always feels upset and disappointed towards me.  She said that I should deserve better, she feels that she wasn't providing the right treatment that I deserve.  Every time I ask her where she had been or why she was late she gets upset and would always say why am I breathing down her neck.  As far as I know I have the right to ask and know everything on what she has been up to.  When it comes to texting, she would always get upset or she would just be silent about it  She never acknowledged or denied anything on what or whom she had been texting with.  Honestly, it's really not a big deal for me because she still has her private or personal life but she never gave any assurance that there's nothing to worry about but instead I felt she’s hiding something from me.  Again, I may be paranoid but I have the right to know or feel any kind of assurance from her that there is really nothing to worry about.  

Another thing she pointed out was that somehow I was always being a jerk when we’re with friends.  I'm always embarrassing her in front of our friends especially when I drunk.  Honestly, I never thought of it that way, because everything was just a joke or we were just having a good time.  But she told me that even our friends find it very offensive.  Most of the time I would make a scene that's inappropriate and always not thinking of the outcome.  I was shocked, I was never aware of this and I could have been informed about it.  She told me about it few times but my explanation was not to take it seriously because I was just having a good time and there was no intention of hurting anybody.  But I was wrong, it made her uncomfortable and even our friends they find it annoying.  That was my fault, I was really stupid to try to be cool at the expense of my girlfriend.  I admit, sometimes I'm not aware of the things that I have been doing and if they try to control me, I'd just brush them off.

She also pointed out that somehow I was holding her back from things she wanted to do in her life like study or go out with friends without the worries of someone waiting for her at home.  She wants to somehow feel free to do all the things that she wasn’t able to do before.