Introduction To Loneliness....P2

The Setup

We live in a small apartment, somewhat like a studio-type condominium that has a small bedroom.  We have been staying there for almost 5years.  You could say that we are live-in partners.  I consider her as my wife ever since that we started living together.  Marriage is the only thing that needs to be settled.  Oh, kids as well, we never had any kids.  We consider our friends children as our own and they’re all very close to the both of us.   We were like their second parents. 

Once we got home from vacation she confronted me of what has been bothering her for so long.  She told me that she’s not happy anymore and we need to somehow separate for the meantime.  The set-up will be that she stays and I go.  I can stay with my parents until we work out our issues.  Of course I demanded an explanation knowing that I was supposed to be the one who’s upset.  It led to nagging and pointing fingers.  Blaming one another for not working it out or talking about it before it blew out of proportion.  The only thing that still leaves a question is she never really denied or acknowledged why she would keep that gift from me.  The only explanation she gave was there was nothing to worry about and it’s just a mere gift.  And of course, she insisted that he’s gay.  

That night I left and tried to release some tension so we can talk more civilly and work it out later.  When I returned after an hour and a half she was not home.  I saw band-aids on the table which made me a bit paranoid.  What’s this, did she do something to herself.  I was blaming myself if something wrong would have happened to her.  I tried to contact her but her number was not available.  I texted her trying to find out if she was okay but she never replied which makes me more paranoid.  I started contacting her friends explaining what had happened.  Asked them for help at the same time trying to get more information on whatever is she hiding from me.  I know that it's a bit over the top on how I reacted but you can’t blame me because I was worried sick on what could have happened to her.  I won’t forgive myself if something bad had happened to her. 

She came home around midnight and was really upset, because most of her friends are now aware and have started somewhat a really awkward situation that really made her uncomfortable.  I know I was to blame for that but I don’t know what to do then.  I was really confused.  That really made her furious, and she doesn't want to talk to me anymore (just for that night).  She wanted to talk about it in the morning.  Knowing my personality, I don't want to sleep without talking about the problem.  She really doesn't want to talk and she has already decided that we separate.  It was a long sleepless night.  Imagine that we also have work the next day.  I think I only had 30 mins or an hour of sleep that night.  She slept in the bedroom and I stayed in the couch.  I can’t sleep, I was begging her that we talk about it but she was hard-headed and firm that we don't.  It's no use talking because we are both stressed.  She asked me that we sleep together on the same bed just somehow get some rest.  I was able to sleep but I'm still restless then.  I still woke up and was preparing for work but she asked me to take a leave of absence for the day so we can talk, and I did.  That was the start of a new phase in life for the both of us.