I’m in constant pain everyday for more than two months now. I don’t know if this was due to
someone’s decision towards our relationship or is it just that I’m being
paranoid. I hate the feeling, but i cant do anything about it. Everyday it feels that no one is on my side. No one cares. I feel so alone.
It started when my girlfriend for more than 10 years and I
were asked by our friends to join them for an out-of-town vacation and relax. I was enjoying it to some extent but I know
for a fact that my girlfriend is always preoccupied with something else. I feel that I have nothing to worry about at that time because she has friends and they were just keeping in touch always. Sometimes, she would rather text them than do
something with me while on vacation. I
never did mind any of that because I know we still have our own lives to manage.
I know you’re asking why still girlfriend/boyfriend for 10
years when we could have been married. There
are a lot of factors to consider and financial issue is one of the biggest
factor. I wanted to give her the best
wedding but it’s just not practical at the time. We thought of having a civil wedding but I
hesitated because I want it special for her. I've never realized that it would haunt me unto this day. I should have thought that a great woman as her should have been given the assurance that she deserves to prove that
I’m serious with our relationship. Well, there goes the saying that you're gonna regret it at the end when it's gone.
Now, I’m trying to do something about it and hopefully she will
acknowledge.
Anyways, on the last day of our stay, we were looking into
some of our "pasalubong" (souvenirs for our friends) that we have bought and I asked her if I can see them before
we leave. She showed me her's except for one which she obviously tried hiding from me for the
reason that’s still is not clear to me.
She insists that it’s for her gay friend (but I'm sure it's not confirmed). It bore the initial “B” which in
many forms could be an abbreviation for any terms of endearment. It really shocked me to find out why she would
try to hide this gift from me if there was nothing to hide about it. She told me why she tried hiding it is to
prevent discussion or start a misinterpretation or even a misunderstanding. I was hurt but I never confronted her
about it nor started a fight at that time.
I only showed her that I’m really upset and we need to talk about
it. I know she was trying to show that I
have nothing to worry about but the way she explains it didn't really make any
sense at that time. Maybe it's because I was upset and no explanation was processing clearly in my mind but I never really started a fight with her. I just showed her that I was disappointed which she can’t accept and she
started to turn the tables around. We never showed our friends that there's something wrong because we don't want to them to be affected and have their vacation ruined. I still treated
her the same way as I have on the way back to home. I carried her bag, assisted her getting on the boat or in a car. I never
thought that this will be an introduction to a new phase in our lives. We were splitting up.
X_______X
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