Don't Give Up On Us by David Soul

Don't give up on us baby, 

don't make the wrong seem right.

The future isn't just for the night, 

it's written in the moonlight.

And painted on the stars, 

we can't change us.....

Don't give up on us baby, 

we're still worth one more try.

I know we put the last one by, 

just for the rainy evening.

When maybe stars are few, 

don't give up on us I know,

We can still come through.

I nearly lost my head last night, 

you've got a right to stop believing.

There's still a little love left, 

even so....

Don't give up on us baby, 

lord knows we've come this far,

Can't we stay the way we are, 

the angel and the dreamer,

Who sometimes plays a fool, 

don't give up on us I know,

We can still come through.

It's written in the moonlight, And painted on the stars, 

we can't change us.

Don't give up on us baby, 

we're still worth one more try,

I know we put the last one by, 

just for the rainy evening,

When maybe stars are few, 

Don't give up on us baby I know,

We can still come through.

Don't give up on us baby, 

don't give up on us baby.

Introduction To Loneliness....P3

The Agreement

We talked about it and how it started and what would be the best thing to do to somehow save the relationship.  She told me that she was having a hard time thinking that she was being unfair.  Every time we're together she always feels upset and disappointed towards me.  She said that I should deserve better, she feels that she wasn't providing the right treatment that I deserve.  Every time I ask her where she had been or why she was late she gets upset and would always say why am I breathing down her neck.  As far as I know I have the right to ask and know everything on what she has been up to.  When it comes to texting, she would always get upset or she would just be silent about it  She never acknowledged or denied anything on what or whom she had been texting with.  Honestly, it's really not a big deal for me because she still has her private or personal life but she never gave any assurance that there's nothing to worry about but instead I felt she’s hiding something from me.  Again, I may be paranoid but I have the right to know or feel any kind of assurance from her that there is really nothing to worry about.  

Another thing she pointed out was that somehow I was always being a jerk when we’re with friends.  I'm always embarrassing her in front of our friends especially when I drunk.  Honestly, I never thought of it that way, because everything was just a joke or we were just having a good time.  But she told me that even our friends find it very offensive.  Most of the time I would make a scene that's inappropriate and always not thinking of the outcome.  I was shocked, I was never aware of this and I could have been informed about it.  She told me about it few times but my explanation was not to take it seriously because I was just having a good time and there was no intention of hurting anybody.  But I was wrong, it made her uncomfortable and even our friends they find it annoying.  That was my fault, I was really stupid to try to be cool at the expense of my girlfriend.  I admit, sometimes I'm not aware of the things that I have been doing and if they try to control me, I'd just brush them off.

She also pointed out that somehow I was holding her back from things she wanted to do in her life like study or go out with friends without the worries of someone waiting for her at home.  She wants to somehow feel free to do all the things that she wasn’t able to do before.  

Set You Free by Side A

We often fool ourselves
And say that it's love
Only cause when it's gone
We end up being lonely
So how are we to know 
That it just isn't so
That we just have to let each other go

There were many times
When we shared precious moments
But later realized they were only stolen moments
So how are we to know 
That it just wasn't so
That we just had to let each other go

If loving you is all that means to me
When being happy is all I hope you'd be
Then loving you must mean
I really have to set you free

Each day remains my love for you
Keeps growing stronger 
But every time we meet
Makes leaving you so much harder
So how are we to know 
That this just wasn't so
That we just have to let each other go

If loving you is all that means to me
When being happy is all I hope you'd be
Then loving you must mean
I really have to set you free

Letting go is not an easy task
When smiling feels like
I must wear this lonely mask
It hurts deep inside 
And I just cannot hide
That there's anguish at the thought
That we should have to part
If loving you is all that means to me
When being happy is all I hope you'd be
Then loving you must mean
I really have to set you free

If loving you is all that means to me
When being happy is all I hope you'd be
Then loving you must mean
I really have to set you free 

Introduction To Loneliness....P2

The Setup

We live in a small apartment, somewhat like a studio-type condominium that has a small bedroom.  We have been staying there for almost 5years.  You could say that we are live-in partners.  I consider her as my wife ever since that we started living together.  Marriage is the only thing that needs to be settled.  Oh, kids as well, we never had any kids.  We consider our friends children as our own and they’re all very close to the both of us.   We were like their second parents. 

Once we got home from vacation she confronted me of what has been bothering her for so long.  She told me that she’s not happy anymore and we need to somehow separate for the meantime.  The set-up will be that she stays and I go.  I can stay with my parents until we work out our issues.  Of course I demanded an explanation knowing that I was supposed to be the one who’s upset.  It led to nagging and pointing fingers.  Blaming one another for not working it out or talking about it before it blew out of proportion.  The only thing that still leaves a question is she never really denied or acknowledged why she would keep that gift from me.  The only explanation she gave was there was nothing to worry about and it’s just a mere gift.  And of course, she insisted that he’s gay.  

That night I left and tried to release some tension so we can talk more civilly and work it out later.  When I returned after an hour and a half she was not home.  I saw band-aids on the table which made me a bit paranoid.  What’s this, did she do something to herself.  I was blaming myself if something wrong would have happened to her.  I tried to contact her but her number was not available.  I texted her trying to find out if she was okay but she never replied which makes me more paranoid.  I started contacting her friends explaining what had happened.  Asked them for help at the same time trying to get more information on whatever is she hiding from me.  I know that it's a bit over the top on how I reacted but you can’t blame me because I was worried sick on what could have happened to her.  I won’t forgive myself if something bad had happened to her. 

She came home around midnight and was really upset, because most of her friends are now aware and have started somewhat a really awkward situation that really made her uncomfortable.  I know I was to blame for that but I don’t know what to do then.  I was really confused.  That really made her furious, and she doesn't want to talk to me anymore (just for that night).  She wanted to talk about it in the morning.  Knowing my personality, I don't want to sleep without talking about the problem.  She really doesn't want to talk and she has already decided that we separate.  It was a long sleepless night.  Imagine that we also have work the next day.  I think I only had 30 mins or an hour of sleep that night.  She slept in the bedroom and I stayed in the couch.  I can’t sleep, I was begging her that we talk about it but she was hard-headed and firm that we don't.  It's no use talking because we are both stressed.  She asked me that we sleep together on the same bed just somehow get some rest.  I was able to sleep but I'm still restless then.  I still woke up and was preparing for work but she asked me to take a leave of absence for the day so we can talk, and I did.  That was the start of a new phase in life for the both of us.

Introduction To Loneliness....P1

The Beginning

I’m in constant pain everyday for more than two months now.  I don’t know if this was due to someone’s decision towards our relationship or is it just that I’m being paranoid.  I hate the feeling, but i cant do anything about it.  Everyday it feels that no one is on my side.  No one cares.  I feel so alone.  

It started when my girlfriend for more than 10 years and I were asked by our friends to join them for an out-of-town vacation and relax.  I was enjoying it to some extent but I know for a fact that my girlfriend is always preoccupied with something else.  I feel that I have nothing to worry about at that time because she has friends and they were just keeping in touch always.  Sometimes, she would rather text them than do something with me while on vacation.  I never did mind any of that because I know we still have our own lives to manage.  

I know you’re asking why still girlfriend/boyfriend for 10 years when we could have been married.  There are a lot of factors to consider and financial issue is one of the biggest factor.  I wanted to give her the best wedding but it’s just not practical at the time.  We thought of having a civil wedding but I hesitated because I want it special for her.  I've never realized that it would haunt me unto this day.  I should have thought that a great woman as her should have been given the assurance that she deserves to prove that I’m serious with our relationship.  Well, there goes the saying that you're gonna regret it at the end when it's gone.  Now, I’m trying to do something about it and hopefully she will acknowledge.

Anyways, on the last day of our stay, we were looking into some of our "pasalubong" (souvenirs for our friends) that we have bought and I asked her if I can see them before we leave.  She showed me her's except for one which she obviously tried hiding from me for the reason that’s still is not clear to me.  She insists that it’s for her gay friend (but I'm sure it's not confirmed).  It bore the initial “B” which in many forms could be an abbreviation for any terms of endearment.  It really shocked me to find out why she would try to hide this gift from me if there was nothing to hide about it.  She told me why she tried hiding it is to prevent discussion or start a misinterpretation or even a misunderstanding.  I was hurt but I never confronted her about it nor started a fight at that time.  I only showed her that I’m really upset and we need to talk about it.  I know she was trying to show that I have nothing to worry about but the way she explains it didn't really make any sense at that time.  Maybe it's because I was upset and no explanation was processing clearly in my mind but I never really started a fight with her.  I just showed her that I was disappointed which she can’t accept and she started to turn the tables around.  We never showed our friends that there's something wrong because we don't want to them to be affected and have their vacation ruined.  I still treated her the same way as I have on the way back to home.  I carried her bag, assisted her getting on the boat or in a car.  I never thought that this will be an introduction to a new phase in our lives.  We were splitting up.