How We Got Started
We started our relationship when she was only 19 years
old. I was 28 then, it’s a 9 year gap
between us. I can say that since then
she never really had any social life except for those people around us. Now, she has friends that she is constantly
in contact with and she really enjoys their company. I admit that every time I see her after she
goes out with them she’s always happy.
She enjoys chatting with them, even if it took the whole day that they're together once she got home she would still send messages to them and if they're not satisfied they would even call each other. But most of the time, her friends that she has not contacted for a while are the one's she had been calling every night. Just doing catch up with each
other. Honestly, I was okay with
that. I don’t see any harm when she’s
chatting with her friends. The problem is that after their long chat over the phone, she would have to do household chores or she would go directly to sleep. She never had time to spend
quality time with me anymore. I was a bit jealous because she would rather talk to them than spend time with me. If I ask who was she texting or
talking on the phone she would just ignore me or get upset for asking
questions. This is another factor that
actually is one of the worst things that we never have worked out.
Another thing, we are completely opposites. When it comes to doing things together
sometimes we have a hard time deciding what we want to do. Let’s start at the beginning of the day
during our rest day. First thing that I
do after my morning rituals is to grab something to eat. Not that I want a full meal but just something that will satisfy my pallets. She on the other hand, wants to wake up late. Once she has awoken she would attend to household chores then would reflect for a half hour to a couple of hours. She would actually wait until her body feels hunger. I'm not saying that it's bad but sometimes we have to compromise like she can join
me having breakfast and having small talks to start the day right. She is very clean in every way, Obsessive
Compulsive as we say it but sometimes its way over board. Starting with unnoticeable stench coming from
somewhere around the house would really irritate her, up to some thrash laying
around would make her very displeased and she always blames me for it. I have come to live by this behavior and
loved her more for being so because it’s keeping my life pleasant.
After our morning dilemma, we will need to decide
what we will be doing for the rest of the day.
For me, I usually would rather stay home and enjoy a relaxing time with
her and just do nothing whilst her, she would rather go out and spend time somewhere to relax. I admit, we usually end up doing what I want because we have to be practical. Luxury is very costly. But of course, it comes with consequences because if we stay home we would end up ignoring each other or even blaming each other for little things. Everything will be noticed and it starts a small argument. Usually she would ask me "Why aren't we able to do the things we love or she wants? It would start a long day of cold
treatment towards each other.
Sometimes
we're able to go out and do what we both like but most of the time we don’t. If ever we go out, we always have a hard
time deciding where to go. If we decide to go to the mall, which mall should we go to. If we are going to eat, where and what kind of food would we eat. She likes Italian foods like
pizza or pasta while I, most of the time loves Filipino because I like to eat rice. Then we will end up going to somewhere we
both don’t like and eat that’s not satisfying.
She has this tendency that if we go out we have to do other things
as well, like paying the bill, buying groceries or attending to important things
like looking for a phone plan for the both of us or looking for new gadgets or
things that we need. I’m not saying that
it’s wrong in fact it’s practical for us because we’re hitting two birds with
one stone. But sometimes all I ever
wanted was to spend time with her in a nice quiet place and just not thinking
of any hassles that we need to do. Like
enjoying a cup of coffee or something, feeling that were alone and not bothered
with all the worries in the world. If we
get to do that it would be for just a short moment because she’s really
conscious of what we’re doing or she is on her phone texting her friends. This is just based on my point of view. I’m not saying that she doesn’t like it but
somehow she doesn’t want to do those things.
Most of the time she's texting someone even if we're together when we go out. Up until now I’m still confused why
she doesn’t want to do those things or is always pre-occupied with other things
when she’s with me. But I’m still trying
to understand her even though we’ve been together for 10 years now. There are still a lot of things that I need
to understand about her and even if I already understood it there’s still other
thing that will come up and will complicate everything again. Women are very unpredictable but that’s why we
love them.
Once we got home in the evening, we end up doing things separately,
she will either continue to communicate with her friends or do chores around
the house instead of sitting down with me and enjoy the night together. I know I have my share of faults, in fact most
of the time I would be in front of the computer either on the internet watching
youtube or playing games. This has
always bugged her because she always says “Is that all that you’ll be doing?”
and “Why won’t you do something worthwhile?”
My fault is that I usually brush her off, but if I leave whatever I’m
doing and try to ask her that we spend time with each other she would always
say that she still has a lot of things to do.
From this, we sacrificed our evening having to sleep with heavy
hearts and let the day pass with disappointment towards each other hoping that
it will just go away the next day. But
definitely I was wrong to let this things happen. Honestly, I always try to communicate with
her about all this things but instead of having a compromise, we end up having
an argument and start blaming each other for each other's faults. Maybe I was to blame for all this because I
let it happen. I love her so much that I
would rather let her be than her getting hurt in the process. Now I’ve come to realize that it has always
been a lose-lose situation even before the whole thing got started. She has a very strong personality which I’m
very proud of because she can stand up for herself. I know I thaught her that but I never
realized that it would backfire at me.
These were just some of the things she pointed out why she
wants be alone and live separately from me.
The main reason according to her was she’s getting tired of dealing with
the same issues over and over again and wasn’t able to work things out. We both have our share of wrong doings but we
never really compromised or dealt with it together. It’s either she will do something on her end
about it and I will do the same but we never really asked each other if we’re
okay with that. We just assumed that we
can just live by it as long as we do what we think is right, but that’s not how
it works. It always takes two to tango.
